Does Age Really Matter in Dating?
Exploring Maturity, Motives, and the Myth of Age Gaps
Let’s get it out of the way: there’s no Bible verse that says you can only date someone within three years of your age. Sorry, you won’t find a commandment like: “Thou shalt not flirt with a thirtysomething if thou art in thy early twenties.”
Age gaps have always existed. It used to be common—even expected—for an older man to marry a younger woman. In some cultures, it still is. But in today’s world, those dynamics often come with extra baggage, questions, and eyebrow raises.
So does age really matter?
Let’s unpack it.
It’s Not Just About Age—It’s About Health
Here’s the thing: age is just a number—but maturity is not.
There aren’t hard-and-fast rules about how many years apart a couple can or should be. But what does matter is whether there’s a gap in emotional maturity, life stage, or relational experience that could create imbalance.
You might be 22 dating a 33-year-old and have a solid, Christ-centered connection. You also might be 29 dating a 21-year-old who still thinks eating cereal for dinner counts as adulting.
This isn’t about right or wrong. It’s about what’s healthy.
Ask yourself:
Are we in the same general life stage?
Do we have compatible levels of maturity and self-awareness?
Can we build together as equals, or does one of us feel like a parent/mentor?
Check Your Motives (Seriously)
When there’s a significant age difference, it’s worth asking: Why am I drawn to this person?
It could be genuine connection.
It could also be fantasy, insecurity, or unhealed wounds.
Sometimes, younger women are drawn to older men because they offer stability or authority—especially if she didn’t have that from a father figure.
Sometimes, older men are drawn to younger women because they’re craving validation, control, or energy they feel they’ve lost.
Sometimes, it’s flipped—an older woman finds herself nurturing a younger man who makes her feel needed, or a younger man finds a sense of affirmation and warmth from someone older.
Now, none of those things automatically make a relationship unhealthy. But they’re worth being honest about.
You don’t need to psychoanalyze every attraction, but you do need to ask:
Am I looking for a partner, or am I looking for a parent, a project, or a performance?
Age Gaps Can Be Healthy—But They Require Clarity
Yes, some age-gap relationships work beautifully. The key? Self-awareness, shared values, and open communication.
If you’re dating someone much older or younger, ask:
Do we want the same things long-term (marriage, kids, ministry, lifestyle)?
Can we talk through conflict and expectations as equals?
Are our families, mentors, or spiritual communities affirming this relationship—or raising red flags?
If your answer to those questions is solid, the number difference may not be an issue. But don’t skip over these conversations just because “we really like each other.”
Final Thought: It’s Not About Age—It’s About Wholeness
Instead of asking, “Is this age difference okay?”
Ask, “Is this relationship whole, healthy, and honoring to God?”
If you’ve done the work, checked your heart, and built on something solid, age becomes just one small factor in the bigger picture of your connection.
The best relationships aren’t about age brackets. They’re about two whole people choosing to build something together—with love, purpose, and mutual respect.
Want to Build a Healthy Relationship That Lasts?
If you’re navigating dating—especially the physical and emotional parts—and want clarity without legalism or guilt trips, check out my book How Far Is Too Far?
It’s a practical, honest guide for Christian couples who want to date with purpose and peace.
Available now at PhysicalBoundaries.com.
Because dating should build your future, not confuse your present.
